Once upon a time in a land of meat, a girl went to her neighbor's house and asked to borrow a cup of meat. The neighbor gave it to her gladly and then invited her in for a cup of tea and some meat. They sat upon meaty chairs and chatted about a war in a far-off land of plants as they sipped their meat tea from meaty coffee cups and ate meat sticks. "How I shouls like to see a land of plants," said the girl. But the neighbor told her she could not escape the land of meat and when the girl walked home on the meaty road, she felt very sad.
When she reached he home she found a note of meat on the table from her brother. Here is what it said:
"My Dear Sister to whom no meat may compare,
Our beloved parents, may they rest well in their meaty graves, went out to the meat market to buy a cut of meat and a meaty lawn gnome. As they were walking home with their purchases the meaty lawn gnome was spoken to by the Evil One himself and the idea came to him to kill our parents, may they forever eat only the finest meat even in death, and so inherit all their fortune. So, sister, he pushed mother into the meaty waters of the river and our father fled in fear but the gnome overtook him and impaled him on the meaty branch of an oak tree. Then the gnome, curse his meaty fingers, came home and spied me working in the meat field. I ran inside our lovely house of meat to hide under the meaty table from the dangerous meaty lawn gnome. But, alas, the gnome found me shivering and cowering, biting my meaty nails, and he bit out my liver and shook it in his teeth. I write this note as I lay dying under the table, cursing the gods of meat and the meaty gnome who has ruined our lives. The gnome was released from the Evil One's control and when he realized what he had done he promptly killed himself by ripping out his own heart of meat.
Goodbye Dear Sister,
Hans"
And then the sister wept tears of meat which she promptly wiped away with a meaty handkerchief. She then packed all her meaty clothing and worldly possessions and ran away.
She ran through fields of meat, green trees of meat, and over the meaty waters of the River Meat until at last she bumped into a meat mortared brick wall and fell on her head. On the other side of the wall was a land of plants and so the girl tried to climb it but there was a meaty forcefield at the top. Then she tried to dig a tunnel under the meat wall, under the meaty ground. And it worked.
She stared in abject terror at the land she was now in, at the total lack of meat anywhere. So many possibilities! Here in this land of plants, she could have a farm, a perfume factory, or a merry-go-round made of cheese. She could marry a prince and live happily ever after as a vegetarian.
Suddenly, her day dream ended as a hunting party walked up to her and flame broiled her. The moral of this story, therefore, is to beware of burger cooks, especially if you are made of meat.
